GHANA WRITES

Two hearts have never been easy to carry:
The weight of war and much muscle, strife and great vessels in the space of a single chest.

Only once, hourly, do they stop to beat together.
A chilling tempo that sounds like confusion, like strife, like pain, and defeat.

"Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump:
Need us peace. Give us peace."

"Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump:
Need us peace. Give us peace."

megan.

Took me by storm,
I was calm; I was sure.
If you shone on me the light,
You saw my eyes go dark.

It was day; it was night,
It was dark; bright.
I don't know how I did,
But I deserved that plight.

Heart-wrenching; hopes faded,
"Real depression!" voices ordered,
Hades teased. Dark, and twisted.
'Twas a banquet, in hell.

Stood at the edge, smiling with dread,
The Fates held their blade to my thread.
Hel'-lo', she said,
And kissed my lips. Till they bled.

'Twas the end.
I was dead.
But sitting, head-to-head,
Exchanging looks that spoke
Of love and the dead,
With the wife of death:
Persephone.

They slip away who never said goodbye
My vintage friends so long depended on
To warm deep levels of my memory
And if I cared for them, care has to learn
How to grieve sparingly and not to cry

Age is an exercise in concern
An anaesthetic, lest the misery
Of fresh depatures make the final one
Unwelcome.There's a white indemnity
That with the first frost tamps the garden down

There's nothing we can do but let it be
And now this you and now that she is gone
There's less and less of me that needs to die
Nor do these vacant spaces terrify

Comic dreams flow through me.
Rotation of a trillion planets, nebulas and galaxies like an aura surrounds me.
Scary feeling, exciting feeling, full feeling.
Match my frequency.
Change colours with me.
Let me experience you.
Change my focus so I can see, hear you, feel you.
An outer world experience.
Constellated connections of what is and isn't,
Acceptance and understanding.
Abundance to the ground I walk.
I balance my solar systemic top.
Moving through dimensions without a care.

Tomorrow I'll write a poem
About today or should I say yesterday
I'll write with a smile or with a tear
It will be about all the pain of yesteryear
Or the joy I hope will overstay
Whatever the case
Tomorrow I'll write a poem

I played hearts❤️, you fell in love.
I played clubs ♣️, you danced to every genre.
I played diamonds ♦️, you were shining in every jewellery
But when I wanted to build a home, I played spades ♠️, you played knives

A shoulder to lean on
An embrace ever too welcoming
Beneath all the facade laid
A cold-hearted killer
Leaving for the day
I let my guard down
And so it happened
The darkest hour came
With one blow, a stab in the back.
And so it goes
You never truly know someone>

Oh that I had eyes behind me; my glass heart would be together.
You covered my face with your love; I told you everything I could remember.
Like Deaneris who's storm born; the truth came out in the long run.
A knife went through our relationship, and the bridge cane down like London.

When everyone saw your devilish smirk,
I saw your angelic face and a sweet smile
When everyone saw your murderous intent,
I saw a good hearted person.
Was I blinded by loyalty?Appears No, I choose to see the good in people.
I know you have it too.
But you were overtaken by the darkness.

Oh how we used to be blend,
Thought I had use a friend
Who'll always be there to tend
And not turn into a fiend

I told you my inner secrets
Even with sordid tales I was replete
Some you made me tearfully repeat
To you my privy I did submit.

Indeed, a hug isn't always lovely
Sometimes, it can leave your back bruised and bloody.

What nibbles away like rust
To each other if not good 'ol trust.
As we are lost in her spell
Time will tell, in due time tell,
In whose back a knife will be thrust.
And who owns a heart filled with frost.

Your hair continues to surprise me
in its texture after every single wash.
Like the shock of a photocopier machine lid
realising the orther side when it beams white light.
I could listen to you listing your banned foods for days
And tell you bad jokes about music as the food of love for even longer.
If I pause to consider how long it takes nurses to find your veins,
I too blush with warm pride and joy.
Your ears are unremarkable
And therefore impossible to improve
When I chance upon your face in the curvature of a kettle,
I am overcome by the urge to blow you kisses
As if we are both tethered to the ground,
But neither of us want to take off.

I know it's wrong - terribly wrong- to want you all for myself. It's wrong for you to even come to mind. It's wrong for me to be dreaming of a forever for us when there isn't even a now.

Yes, we have known. Yes, we have been. But that was wrong too, wasn't it? Was wrong to know you'll be there for me when I needed someone - just one person - to break down and cry in front of. It was wrong to know you'll grab my hand just when I need support. It was wrong to know I could bury my face in your chest and away from the world when the winds were strong and furious; away from the hardship, away from the pain.

I was very wrong- gravely wrong. Because you were the hardship, you were causing my pain. I never felt that pain only because- -well I don't know! I've never known, and I don't know. And I guess I'll never know.

I have discovered for myself that it was and is wrong, yet I don't only want you to be my comrade. I find it very surprising to know, or to realize, that I want more than just that. I wanted you to be my best friend and now, I want you to love my very soul.

(This is not a proposal)

It is a confession I had buried in the deepest depths of my heart for so long, it's hard even as I try to get it all out. I don't know how to tell you everything. I can only say that you're my curse. You are my struggle in life, you are my trouble, the source of my unhappiness, my very own specially-assigned demon. You destroy me. You've destroyed me; you're destroying me. How? I keep wanting you. Wanting us. Wanting a friendship that existed and bloomed nothing but toxic, beautiful flowers.

I would have been quite alright if I had been the one to break off this 'friendship' of ours. But no. You did. I've always wanted to ask you why you stopped coming over, why you stopped confiding in me, why you stopped checking up on me at the end of each day like good friends do, like good friends like ourselves did. But don't worry, don't answer. I've seen that bitch. I know her well, and it's fine.

She's pretty and you're beautiful. Together you're perfect, I admit. But at least we could have kept in touch. You had to block me out? Completely? It was some dangerous friendship we had there and I'm not being selfish by wanting it back because it was poison, danger for me alone, not you. You were the poison, damn it! So you didn't have to block me out. If I wanted you to kill me, just so I could be with you, that wasn't your problem. It was mine. I was to die. I don't want this life, it is devoid of you. You shouldn't have blocked me out.

Because it was such a great slam in the head that I scrambled to stand back up. And by the time I'd stood, she'd grabbed your arm and off you were. Gone. Not dead, but gone. I wish you had died.

There's one thing I cannot understand, though I see it clearly. You're poisoning her. Oh yes you are, just as much, maybe more than you did me. And she's still in because she feels the same way I did - scratch that- the same way I do. But you have not cut her off. And it does not look like you plan to do that anytime soon.
I'm not jealous; just very wounded. Why would you choose her over me?

(Oh but that's a stupid question)

And yes, I know I'm lucky to have been delivered from a friendship, a relationship that yielded nothing but rotten fruit, but I can't help it. Not when I love you this much.

So every single time I see you with her, smiling, laughing, holding hands, I want to pull out my hair(if I have any). And when I see you pull her in for a warm hug, I want to cut myself and scream aloud. And when you whisper something in her ear and she blushes, I want to die. Because that would have been me. And now? I'm light years away.

So I don't want it to look like I'm desperate or pathetic (which I clearly am) so I'm going to sit my behind down and torture myself watching you two go all lovey-dovey on each other. And maybe kill myself on the day I see you share a kiss.

Megan
(3rd May, 2018)

i wish you could comprehend what it feels like
to fall for you.
and i don't mean, the simplicity
of the action of my fall.
it's the weight i carry of the before and after
of it all.
it's like i'm on a plane with my parachute in hand,
but i slip before i ever had the chance
to give myself the safety that i would need to land.
but the fall, it felt like freedom.
and i didn't care about the ground.
you made me feel like i could fly and
even land, safe and sound.
but alas, your love lasted as long
as my ignorance to gravity.
and i'm left frantically,
grasping at nothing,
and gasping for breath.
inching towards death.
and sadly, as i said,
i carry the weight of how it feels to fall this way.
and it is every day.
i let myself go and fall to the inevitable demise.
and i hit the ground, causing me to break
every piece of me inside.
but for you, i jump, rather, leap into the sky
because it feels so good to be in love
with someone
even if in the end,
you die.

Madeleine

ENOUGH NOW, PLEASE

An extra hour?
But I've already had plenty
of cruel, insufferable twenty-twenty.

I know
to wish away the hours is wrong
but this year - please - move quickly on.